Capsaicin

Why, you might ask, am I blogging at 12:30 at night?  A valid question, I've had a full day of work, several hours making salsa, and I'm going to get up at 5:30 a.m. for a bike ride tomorrow.  Despite all of this, I'm going to stay up for at 30 minutes more so I can keep rubbing a mixture of baking soda and milk on my face in an effort to prevent my skin from bursting into flames.  Tonight I had an adventure with Capsaicin.  

What, you may ask, is Capsaicin?  Capsaicin is the chemical responsible for chili pepper's spiciness, it's what makes them both delicious and dangerous.  I knew a bit about capsaicin before this incident; for example, I knew that it caused both tastiness and pain reactions in the body's receptor cells, and that it is better neutralized by milk than water.  These facts will come back to haunt me shortly, but I'd like to share some newer fun facts I learned about capsaicin tonight.  

1.  Capsaicin is present in highest concentration in the white pithy material pepper seeds are attached to.  These are the membranes most salsa recipes recommend you remove.  

2.  Capsaicin is hydrophobic, that's why water doesn't alleviate the burning pain.  In order to treat the pain you need something that acts like a detergent to bond with and carry away the capsaicin molecule.  Or bread, bread and rice do good.  

3.  The heat from peppers is measured on a Scoville heat scale.  According to Wikipedia's Scoville scale, the Cayenne peppers I was chopping tonight are rated between 30,000 and 50,000 Scoville heat units, far above the Jalapenos the recipe called for, on the same level as Tabasco peppers (but above Tabasco sauce).  

4.  A quick Google of the word "Capsaicin" reveals that medically, capsaicin is used as a topical pain reliever (most often in arthritis creams), in the treatment of cluster headaches, and as a way to improve circulation.  Capsaicin can be found in bug repellents and it is the primary ingredient in pepper spray.  Also of note, animal reproduction studies have shown that capsaicin poses no risk to fetuses if pregnant women are exposed to it.  

More practically, I've often heard you should peel and chop peppers with gloves on so your fingers don't start to burn.  Just two weeks ago I was making salsa and repeatedly touched and burned my face after chopping peppers.  But it wasn't terrible, just a little uncomfortable.  Then tonight I made salsa with my really spicy peppers, not the garden salsa peppers.  My fingers were pleasantly warm throughout the effort, and I could tell where I had touched my face because there were warm spots, but nothing terrible.  Then as I went to go to bed I itched my nose real good and it nearly caught on fire!  

The offending peppers, before they ripened, carefully protected under bird mesh.  

I tried breathing through my mouth, putting a pillow over my head, crying "Why me?"... Nothing worked.  I'd been washing my hands regularly, but knew that I'd likely just have to wait for the pepper residue to wear off because it is hydrophobic.  Another quick Google, through watery eyes, suggested a few treatments that included milk; milk and baking soda; milk, sour cream and yogurt; vasoline; aloe vera, toothpaste with menthol, and rubbing alcohol.  I dislike milk in general.  I'm fond of it on my cereal and mixed in with other things that make creamy sauces, but I do not like milk by itself or on my skin.  So first I tried applying rubbing alcohol to my nose and upper lip, but that didn't seem to make things better or worse.  Next I tried Sooth-o-cain (lidocaine + aloe vera), and that felt worse.  Immediately after that I tried rubbing the Sooth-o-cain off and applying A&D cream (because I don't have any Vasoline), and things didn't get any better and now I couldn't breathe through my nose at all.  In desperation caused by my burning face and hatred of milk,  I took a cold shower, hoping that my hippie, oil-based soap might do something or that the temperature would at least cool my burning face.  But that just made things worse to the point I was jumping up and down in the shower (as quietly as possible, because it was midnight) cursing my luck.    Defeated and crying, I left the shower to make a paste of milk and baking soda, which I applied tentatively to my left ear (because it burnt the least), and things got better.  I spent several minutes caking my face, ears, parts of my inner thighs, and my right arm pit in this wonderful new solution, and it looked like this:

And it worked, my face feels a little dry, but generally great and absolutely pain free.  Now I think I will sleep the sleep of someone who's had a hard days work (or my dreams will be haunted by long, skinny, cayenne peppers chasing me down why I run like molasses, unable to scream).  If anyone has a hankering for some really spicy tomatillo salsa or pico de gallo, come over to my place because I'd be happy to share.  Also, along with the fun facts I've shared about capsaicin, remember this: process peppers with gloves on, do not touch your face while making salsa, and definitely do not pop an ingrown hair with salsa hands.