Wild and Precious

Le Sigh. I've reached the end of another year feeling the same conflict as in years past. How do I appropriately celebrate all the awesome that has happened without bragging? How do I acknowledge we all have struggles without being a bummer? I guess the only thing to do is try to be brief and hope it's clear the struggle is real. We all have something we're dealing with.  The video below captures how things go pretty well: we're rappelling down the Weasel in the dark with a few snowflakes after climbing a pretty great route, getting a little lost, and watching a gorgeous sunset. Adventure is always a mixed bag of good and not-so-good.

It was an action packed year. Brent and I have fallen into the practice of going out of town most weekends, which gave us the opportunity to see our favorite places and visit entirely new locations.

Before diving into highlights from the year that has passed, some personal achievements that are un-photogenic.

• I went to the dentist and physical therapy. Going to the doctor when I'm not really sick feels like a very grown up thing to do. Like registering my car. 
• I made progress on one of my pet peeves - I worked on not saying how busy I am when people ask how I'm doing. That's not very descriptive and if I'm busy all the time it's not noteworthy.
• I have developed exceedingly strong feelings for the Oxford comma (it's completely necessary) after reading through 80+ water quality standards.
• I experience regular feelings of rebelliousness when not using two spaces after the end of my sentences. Even more so because I use one or two spaces according to whims.
• My quest to gather more hobbies continues: I now sew a little, enjoy building stuff with my power tools, like to look for fossils, and am better at kayaking.

But, of course, I took lots of pictures of the very cool things that happened this year. Below are highlights. 

• Didn't run much, but did run great stuff: the Moab Red Hot 33k and the Rim Rock Marathon

Moab Red Hot 33K

Big climb at the beginning of the Rim Rock Marathon

• Worked hard to become a bad ass mountain biker, attained some new levels of skill (bad-assery is a difficult benchmark to know), including surviving a 6-hour trail race

Finishing El Doce after 3 laps and 41 miles

Blissful riding on the Wasatch Crest

• Finally got to Costa Rica, a childhood dream of mine. Searched for bugs, snorkeled, saw volcanoes

Brent holding a tail-less whip scorpion during our nighttime bug tour in Drake Bay

Hiked through 5 miles of jungle to snorkel on an isolated beach

Listening to birds in the cloud forest

• Went on our annual backpacking trip, this time to the Sawtooth Mountains, which were spectacular

Camped and swam at this lake below the Finger of Fate

The Finger of Fate

• Dove into backcountry skiing, it's a lot more work but also quite wonderful

First time touring to Dog Lake

• My family came to the San Rafael Swell - my favorite people in my favorite place!

K's at the Wedge

Little Wild Horse Canyon with my people

Niblings learned how to stem canyons

• Solo vacation took me to Great Basin National Park, tagged Wheeler Peak

I hugged a bristle cone pine

• Built the platform for the back of my truck I've been dreaming about for years

• The book! The book! The Great Salt Lake wetland plant book is real!

• Spent more time on my road bike than I expected, rode it to the top of Big Cottonwood and around the Wellsville mountains for the 5th time.

Almost 4,000 feet of climbing done, ready for the downhill

• Sister's trip to San Diego with Brent's sisters (my sisters-in-spirit) included bonding, building terrariums, and riding segways

Segways are really fun

• Lots of opportunity for family bonding. Courtney lived with me for a bit, having a roommate was great and I enjoy getting to know my baby sister better. Took my sister-in-law rappelling, watching her overcome a fear was wonderful. Got another nibling. Mountain biked with family. Enjoyed many family get together's

Biking Wire Mesa

• One of Brent's dreams (and what I worried would be my nightmare, but it wasn't) came true: we did big wall climbing in Zion! On the fall equinox! It was gorgeous! And stressful!

What a morning view

A line from one of my favorite poems, "The Summer Day" by Mary Oliver,  captures how I tried to live 2018 and hope to continue into 2019:

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?  

So wild!

My Secret Old Lady Pastime

I have a secret that I've been slowly letting those close to me know about, but it's time to let the world know, because I am not ashamed:

I LOVE COUNTED CROSS-STITCH

What is counted cross-stitch?  It's a fiber art medium where designs on a canvas are produced through a series of X's (or crosses) stitched into the fabric.  You might recall seeing counted cross-stitch designs in your grandmother's home, because it seems to be something popular primarily with a generation 50 years older than me.  Like many things popular with the elderly, cross-stitch may seem less that useful to your average 31-year old when viewed superficially, but on a closer look it's clear there are many benefits to sitting and stitching.  It's a very low impact activity, it won't tweak your back like skiing or require days of recovery like running.  Cross-stitching stimulates the brain as you work to find the best, most efficient way to stitch your pattern with each color.  Plus counting continues to be an important life skill.  Finally, cross-stitching gets the creative juices flowing because you're actually creating something stitch by stitch and skein by skein.  It may take days or weeks for the picture to emerge, but as the final design takes shape the delight of adding more stitches grows.

My most recent project, people on the beach

None of the benefits of cross-stitching that I listed above comes close to my favorite reason for cross-stitching: it makes me feel closer to my Grandma Fisher.  My grandma was a very talented cross-stitcher.  She was particularly talented at stitching patterns of LDS prophets in various shades of sepia (something I've never come close to being able to do) and completing large poems and quotes.  My grandma finished a cross-stitch project for pretty much every life event her children (all six of them) and grandchildren (almost 30 born before she passed away) celebrated: birth, special birthdays, weddings.  She was really gifted at letting her grand kids know she thought about them often.

Some projects I've got from my grandma

Grandma Fisher passed away when I was 15 and one of my greatest regrets in life is that I didn't get to know her better while she was around.  Grandma had rheumatoid arthritis for much of her adult life and as she got older dealt with repeated bouts of pneumonia.  My sister was really close to Grandma, they seemed to have many common interests, among them was a passion for "The Price Is Right."  I was afraid Grandma just might die at any moment and aside from cross-stitching I didn't think we had much in common.  I mistakenly thought that if I got to know her too well I'd be much too sad when she passed away; I know, it's ridiculous, everyone is really sad when their grandparent passes.  When she died I was particularly distraught that she might not have known how much I loved her.  Who knows how I ended up with all my grandma's cross-stitch thread and patterns (I think Liz got a rabbit fur coat; there were also some original joints that had been replaced up for grabs), but it's an awesome reminder of a connection I shared with my grandma.

Grandma and Grandpa Fisher

When I sit down to start a new project I get to go through the four boxes of thread I was left with.  I love all the colors (so many options, so vibrant), but I also enjoy noticing the carefully labelled sections that came from my Grandma.  As I finish each skein of yarn I find the cardboard holders she taped over to make sure the thread was transferred smoothly.  It gets me a little teary eyed, to tell the truth, while I sit and feel some kinship with a relative I haven't seen in 15 years.  I like to imagine that my grandma felt the similar joys in zoning out to focus on a project and finally finishing something that I feel.  When I spend an afternoon stitching and watching "Sherlock" I can imagine that she felt a similar level of joy hanging out with my grandpa and putting together something beautiful.  It would be awesome to sit down for a talk now so I could thank my grandma for all that she taught me, it's so nice to have a sit-still type hobby.  Finding that potential commonality has been a blessing, but it's really difficult to describe.

Carefully labelled cross-stitch thread I inherited from my grandma

As I work through a cross-stitch project I remember all the things my grandma taught me about stitching: start in the middle, starting and finishing a thread without knots, remembering to make the back look as good as the front.  I like to sit back and watch a little TV, marveling at how Grandma was able to complete large, ornate patterns when her hands must have hurt due to the arthritis.  Stitching is also a good time to contemplate what a great family I've got.

The big project

 Cross-stitching is a good time to be methodical.  The back of a project should look as neat as the front, so you shouldn't be dodging all over the place.  Pacing is important, going too fast or forgetting where you were inevitably leads to knots (which have to be untied or the back won't look good).  And it requires some focus to keep count of where you are.  I think cross-stitching is the perfect way to simultaneously keep my brain running while decompressing from the day's activities.  Plus it's the only craft that I have any skill at and it's nice to feel like I'm good at doing stuff.

Unfortunately, this craft I enjoy so much has left me with a number of Precious Moments scenes I don't have any intention of framing and hanging

So there you have it, I love cross-stitching.  It's an important family connection and lots of good fun.  Call me domestic if you will, I'm no longer ashamed.  However, I am still left with a number of silly, completed cross-stitch projects.  I'm not sure why, but I don't enjoy Precious Moments pictures, despite having stitched several (I think it's the eyes, sad looking babies doing grown up thing, something's wrong).  I've got lots of beach themed cross-stitch projects too that I feel just don't match the vibe of my decorating scheme (they're far too polished to sit along with the pictures of wetlands I've taped to my walls).  While I'm on the subject of it, I highly recommend those of you reading from the Logan area take up cross-stitching because the selection of patterns at the craft store is stupidly small, maybe if we pool our collective interest they'll stock up on patterns for more than just tea towels.

More ocean scenes... More things I probably won't hang up

Do What You Want and Be Nice About It

Today is the day we celebrate my brother's birthday, so it's an appropriate time to acknowledge just how blessed my life has been because of both of my brothers.  I've acknowledged how great my parents are and all three of my sisters, but a little brotherly love has been lacking.  My brothers, Scott and Ryan, are really, really great and as I thought about what exactly was so great about them I stumbled on some lessons I've learned from the way they've chosen to live their lives.  This seemed easier than picking illustrative stories, because my brothers are trouble makers of legendary status, so I couldn't pick just one or two episodes in two lifetimes of hilarity.  Scott and Ryan are certainly different characters, but being the only  boys in the family sandwiched between older and younger sisters, they tend to react to things in a similar way (which I've read is a habit of middle children) so I'm sandwiching them together for this celebratory post.  Scott and Ryan are some of the happiest guys I know and I always look forward to hanging out with them because they bring a lot of happiness with them.

1.  Do what you want.  
"I do what I want" is a common refrain in my family's home, and it seems most appropriate for my little brothers who do what they want through a mixture of poor impulse control, mischief, and nerd-level curiosity.  And they seem to be pretty happy guys because of it.  I could ramble on for days with stories of Scott and Ryan doing whatever they want (throwing rocks, spraying Windex at people, making stop-motion Lego movies) because its been a pattern in their lives.  If you ever run into my dad, ask him to tell you some of the stories about my brothers he's written down in the journal of embarrassing stories he keeps, you won't regret it.

Sometimes they just want to wear cereal boxes and forks while shouting "Decepticons."  I don't get it, but I love it.  

Sometimes they want to build sandcastles

And sometimes they want to play video games

2.  Be nice to people and good people will stick around you.
Ask anyone who's met my either of my brothers and they'll tell you that Scott and Ryan are the sweetest people you will ever meet.  It's the absolute truth.  I think karma has finally started working in their favor after decades of being great to everyone.  The long term friendships I've watched my brothers cultivate (I can't tell if it's too much disclosure to mention by name the "other men" in their lives (OK, I'm thinking specifically of Vince and Zach)) just warms my heart and I think the relationships bring joy to those involved.  Even better, my family has been blessed because these two guys have snagged spouses that are also great, so now I have two more sisters that I really like a lot.  Those lucky ladies really snagged themselves a couple of sweethearts.

Scott and Stephanie - 2011

Ryan and Brittney - 2014

3.  Wander until you find the right path for you.  
Scott and Ryan both have lots of stories about the times they've wandered away from my parents.  Scott got lost in Ogden City Mall looking for a comfortable place to nap, Ryan was found wandering the streets of Clearfield blocks away my folk's place.  Neither was running away, just wandering some place because they were curious.  This habit of meandering somewhere unexpected seems to be life plan for both of them, but it's worked out well, as far as I can tell.  I don't even know how many times Scott has declared a major in his academic journey or how many different jobs Ryan has had before he settled on the one's he in now, but they both seem to be doing remarkably well after years of experimentation.  And both have chosen interests that I never would have guessed intrigued them when they graduated high school.  Even if it comes after a few years of uncertainty, finding a career that feels right sure looks like it will be worth it.  And they're both pretty young, so it could all change again.

The whole engineering - computer programming course these guys have taken sometimes makes all the sense in the world, in hindsight.  

Scott near the beginning of his academic journey

Ryan near the beginning of that same journey

4.  Wear a helmet.  
My brothers are the most accident prone people I know.  Just last winter Scott actually cracked his helmet going over his bike handlebars on his way home from work.  Ryan spent most of childhood with some sort of wound due to crashing a bike or a dump truck.  I'm doing a bit of mind-reading here, because I haven't asked them about their feelings on bikes in quite some time, but I imagine they riding because it's super fun and maybe an accident here and there is worth it if you're having fun.  The thing I know for sure is that they're still with us because they started wearing helmets on their noggins before the really serious crashing began.  I also know that whenever I hear Queen's "Bicycle" I think of Ryan.  So always have fun, but through in a little common sense protection in when possible.

Ryan throwing rocks with broken arm

Scott also throwing rocks

So there you have it, do what you want but be nice about it and wear a helmet on your meandering journey. Love you Scott and Ryan!

My Sister is the Best Sister

Today is my sister Liz's birthday and it is high time I shared all the reasons we should be celebrating her life.  I can't remember a single point in my life in which Liz didn't exist because she's 13 months younger than me.  As my mom tells it, Liz thought we were twins until I left for kindergarten; I don't remember that event but I remember feeling like a two-person Becka/Liz unit.  This is a great thing because I always had another person to adventure with.  We had adventures in sketchy apartments in Ogden, around the wide open spaces of Clinton, straight through high school and college and into adulthood.  The best part of it all is that we've become better friends with age.  I'm so grateful I've got a Liz, I hope you all have a person like that in your lives to love you and laugh with.

If I had to come up with my top five favorite things about Liz as we've aged together and they are as follows:

1. Childhood - Liz could make up names for everything.  I know it sounds weird, but one of my most prominent memories as a child was watching Liz give the best names to all of our stuffed animals.  I think it's a great combination of creativity and intuition.  It was awesome, but just a small part of the awesome play-time memories I have with my sister.  There were also bike riding misadventures to Antelope Island and family movie nights and some traumatizing room-cleaning episodes, but my childhood was probably a thousand times better because Liz was there.

2.  Adolescence - Liz the Fashionista.  In junior high Liz went through a serious Spice Girls craze.  We give her some flack for this because loving the Spice Girls was a serious commitment to outrageous fashion, but she handled it well.  Loving fashion was accompanied by a commitment to excellent hair, which has most recently manifested itself in a new super cute dark-colored cut, but it all started with bleach:

 I wish with all of my heart that I had a picture of her in her pink corduroy pants.  She dyed an entire load of laundry pink with those pants.  And she killed it in them.  She's still the most stylish person in our family and is the person I can trust most to tell whether I can pull off a new piece of clothing or not (for the record, she says I can't pull off pink but would look good with bangs.  I believe the first part and am skeptical of the second).  

3.  Almost-adults - My cool headed sister that didn't drive.  We give Liz a lot of grief for being mean Lizzy and she vociferously denies the charge, saying I was the mean one.  History is on my side, because Scott remembers her being a meany and I hit a car once because she was being mean to Ryan.  But I can see why she thought I was the mean one because she was a passenger in my car more than anyone else and I was a terrible angry driver.  Once she coined the term Beastly Bitter Bad-mood Becka because she forced me (through the rules of obligation) to drive several of her friends home in a snow storm before I had figured out how to lock the hubs on my new truck.  She's been through some traumatic drives with me because we kept riding together during college, but as we got older I really started to appreciate the 20 minutes we had together.  We were going through some stuff and I had someone to talk to who was level headed (despite her propensity for name calling).  Some of my favorite memories were of our conversations while she was thinking about marrying Neil because they were full of so much candor.  This girl is deep.

4.  Adulthood - Liz is a great mother.  Liz's kids are the greatest people in the entire world.  I love my siblings as much and I think Brent's niblings are great, but I love Tyler, Aaliyah and Coby more than I could have imagined I would.  I didn't know I could love kiddies, and it was a little painful at first, like in the animated version of "The Grinch" when his heart grows three sizes, but now it's just the best.  In addition to being a good real mother, Liz is also an excellent 'nother-mother.  She worries about each of us siblings just as much as our mom, has started planning my hypothetical wedding, and worries about my spiritual health because she wants us all to make it back to heaven with her.

5.  Now - Liz, my bestie.  I only get to see Liz about once a month, but I like to think we make the most of it when that happens.  For example, on Thanksgiving I cooked with her, something I'd never done before.  About a year ago we had the single most excellent discussion about faith I've ever had in my entire life and she continues to make sure we talk about matters of the heart occassionally.  In between all of this she's like "when are you going get married?"  Do you know why she does all of this (the dinners, the talking, the blunt questions)?  Because she's my best friend and wants me to be happy.

I hope you all have the chance to meet by sister-bestie.  She's literally The Best.  That's all.