Beating the Blerch

Last week, before I headed down to Moab for my latest race, I was chatting with one of my lab mates about geese and things when he said "It's always about poop with you, isn't it."  I'd been talking about geese for like 5 minutes without realizing that everything comes back to poop.  But geese are horrible and probably spend 80% of their lives pooping in places where I could slip on their doody.  Running is also all about poop.

The Oatmeal recently put together a comic on running long distances and introduced the idea of the Blerch.  It's the thing that follows you around encouraging you to quit, the thing you  need to beat running.  My Blerch tells me slow down for fear of pooping.  When I first started running a few years I read a terrible Facebook post where people chimed in to finish the sentence "You know you're a runner if...".  More than one person mentioned you're a runner if you've soiled yourself to get a person best.  This horrified me.  I think I've finally convinced myself that I'm a runner and that I can be a runner without sacrificing my continence.  But I think about pooping almost the entire time (for a reminder that this has always been the case, you can read through this blog post about running).

The Other Half in Moab is my favorite half marathon ever.  I was really excited to run it for a second time this year, but also nervous because I didn't have the time and health to get a long run in before we left town, then there was the two days of climbing before hand.  It felt kind of like the world was out to make me run this race poorly, then tragedy struck - I forgot my iPod.  I spent a few minutes trying to communicate telepathically with Brent, because I also left my cell phone in the car, then I decided that running without the music wouldn't be terrible.  This race buses you to the start line an hour before the race starts, so I had an hour to find ways to stay warm.  There was coffee and plenty of time to poop.  There was also an opportunity to do yoga underneath what remains of the original Dewey Bridge (which was the 2nd longest suspension bridge in the country at the time it was constructed) while the sun came up over the Colorado River.  Really, doing sun salutations while the sun came up was amazing.

This view and the sunshine are why this race is my favorite!

Then I started running.  My strategy in these races is to start at the very end so I don't have to waste my energy trot-walking across the starting line and then I can pass people for the entire first half of the race.  Despite all that prep time, I still had to poop when I started running.  I had a goal this race, to finish in 2 hours.  It would be hard because I hadn't prepared very well, so I definitely didn't have time to wait at the first port-a-potty, which is always the busiest.  However, I didn't want to think about pooping the entire 13.1 miles, so I waited in the line for the Mile 2 port-a-potty (and it took 3 minutes, 3 minutes!).  My plan back fired though - I was proud that I pooped early so I didn't have to think about needing to poop the whole time, but then I thought about how grateful I was that I pooped early for 11 more miles.

Aside from all the thoughts of pooping, the half-marathon was also interesting because I could hear everything other runners were saying and doing.  My favorite was when I could hear people gasp "water" as they got within site of the water stations.  I saw people almost get hit by an ambulance because they couldn't hear it.  I heard a lot of pep-talks, which reminded me of why I don't run with others.  And I heard people fart while they ran, which reminded me that, in the end, runners are disgusting people (myself included).  The advantage of passing everyone is that I don't get stuck for very long behind the farters.  I decided to embrace my new found awareness of the environment around me by "Whoop"-ing at every one of the last 5 miles.  In the end, my fastest mile was my last mile.  I finished a few minutes over my goal, but I finished feeling great so it was definitely worthwhile.

Finishing happy.  

So there it is, everything I think while I run, especially the Blerch.  I don't have any long runs planned until the Spring, so you might not hear any more about my Blerch until then.

With all this talk of how everything comes down to poo, you should really watch the cast of Scrubs sing about it:



Update - I found some images of my delightful pre-race riverside yoga going through the Lost and Found.  It was 36 degrees there by the river, and plenty of puncture vines, but really it was a wonderful spot to do a little yoga.