2013 Could Be a Transformative Year

I'm one of those New Year's Resolutions people.  It feels a little arbitrary to resolve things just once a year, in the middle of the winter when I don't ever get much done.  But when else would I do it?  This year I've been especially reflective, and my yoga magazine has facilitated this a great deal.  In the last week I've read articles on karma, recapitulation, and fear that have all resonated a great deal with the way I'd like to see myself (I highly recommend perusing those articles if you've got some free moments).  The word that stuck out to me most in these articles was "transformation".  The article about karma suggested that the reader note their major skills and major challenges then consider how both positive and negative aspects of life have interwoven to create change and transformation.  So I did that.

Currently, I consider my top three abilities (or good karmas) to be writing, running, and climbing; my top three challenges (or negative karmas) are publishing in peer-reviewed journals, asking for help, and the fear of falling. It's easy to see how most of those are linked together.  The rest of the article talked about how to change your karma by changing your actions, action being the key word here (in fact, action is one way karma is translated).  This particular quote summed it up well.

"Your past actions may create some obstacles for you, but your present actions can help you overcome them.  So according to the teachings of karma, every moment is both the result of your past and a seed of the future."

In the last two weeks I've been thinking of ways to change my habits (both thoughts and actions), in order to see positive transformation in my life.  Specifically, I want to be less fearful, because that seems to be my biggest obstacle.  The article on fear discussed being in the 'trance of fear' where you can't see anything but what you're afraid of, you can't enjoy the moment you're in or remember the love that is around you.  This is exactly what it's like when I get scared lead climbing, I only see the worst case scenario, I can't remember that climbing is fun and that  I have a belayer on the other end of the rope who loves me and will catch me when I fall.  It's similar when I think about asking someone for help, I can only imagine them saying 'no.'  The article suggested cultivating an 'unconditional presence' where one "faces fears with courage and kindness" which will eventually lead to "the freedom to live and love fully."  Granted, there's some fluffy language in there, but the idea of living fully is one that resonated a lot with me.

In order to overcome these bad karmas, I made a list of resolutions for the year.  Before doing that though, I went through the process of recapitulation, where I listed all of my successes and regrets from the last year, then I tore them up and threw them away.  It was kind of a heavy process, it was really easy to come up with regrets, but harder to come up with an equal number of accomplishments.  This surprised me, because I like to consider myself an un-regretful person. What it really came down to, in the end, was that the regrets I had produced stronger feelings than the successes, and I could trace all my regrets to two things: fear  and missed opportunities.  But one important step in recapitulation is facing your negative moments and then moving on.  And I felt better seeing that there are ways I could make next year better, especially by embracing my successes, which involved going new places (higher heights, longer runs, bigger hills), working really hard, and cultivating important relationships.

With all this in mind, here are my resolutions for the coming year:

1. Become a more competent lead climber: try a 5.12 sport route and a 5.10 trad route.  Lead at least one pitch of a difficult desert tower.  
2. Run faster: complete a half-marathon in less than two hours and a full marathon in under four hours.  
3. More substantive reading and writing: less Facebook, more blogging, much much more leisure reading (at least six books).  
4. Publish: submit two manuscripts for review, one from my Master's research and one from my PhD research.