1. I think my face is rejecting the rest of my body. My skin is so stinking dry I can barely move my face in the morning. It hurts to yawn. I put lotion on at least 3 times before I head out the door. These low humidity shenanigans must stop. I think its the reason I've been battling epic zits (that's right, not your average clogged ducts...EPIC ZITS!).
2. I'm growing a cowlick...or something. There's a spot at the back of my head that just will not lie flat, and it didn't used to be that way. Beyond that, there's something there, a mole or scab or something. Right now I've decided it's cowlick-causing-cancer. It's been there for like a month and I haven't run my head into something sharp in quite some time (that I remember). Next thing you know there will be a giant seeping wound in the back of my head. Then I will die. And you'll all feel bad.
3. I decided to spontaneously quit drinking soda (because I heard waiting for a special date to quit makes you less likely to succeed), and it feels like my brain is shrinking away from my skull. It blows. On the upside, I don't feel so worried about my teeth and bones when I chug down 44 ounces of water.
4. I might have blown a snot bubble yesterday. I was just trying to say "Yeah" and breathe at the same time. It would have been a small bubble, but it felt like a bubble nonetheless. How embarrassing (its not like I was saying "Yeah" to myself, there was someone I was addressing. Lame.). Eh, I've decided to start carrying a handkerchief around with me, it seems less old-woman-ish to me than tissues.
5. There are still spiders in my apartment. They don't end up on my sticky traps because they walk on the walls and ceiling. I keep trying to squash them, but lately the only shoes that have been within reach of me are my work shoes (see item #6 for a description of why said work shoes are so lame). To make matters worse I took a swig of water from a glass near my computer yesterday and there was a spider in it! It was horrifying!
6. I fell down yesterday. It was lame. I think I pulled a muscle in my belly trying not to fall, and I bruised my elbow. It was sad. My work shoes, while warm, suck in the snow. I won't be wearing them in the snow again.
It went something like this:
Me and Lou were walking...
Then I found some ice...
Then I hit the pavement. It hurt.I hope you can all laugh at my pain. I'm laughing...on the inside. It doesn't hurt to laugh there.
3 comments:
I am laughing, on the outside and the inside. Maybe you should scrap all your great educational plans and become a cartoonist...one who wears great hats. Maybe you should walk with people who won't let you fall down. Maybe you should let off one of those bug bombs in your apartment. I'm trying to be helpful here.
I do not like it when you don't feel good. I command you to feel better. Again, trying to be helpful here.
Come see me, I will wrap you and bubble wrap and I will provide you with a tub of vaseline for your super dry skin...then you will be shiny, that should help.
Love you tons, Mommy
I have super fantastic lotion that mom bought and I use when my lips get way dry. It doesn't make your skin break out either.
And, you're just freaking out about the cancer colic because you read that article in the Glamour. Likelihood of that happening to you low. To make you feel better, Downard's have weird colics. Aaliyah got a double crown colic, and Tyler has a funky one at the crown of his head too. Maybe the cold weather is affecting your hair.
Well I'm off your niece is driving me crazy. She needs a nap, but it's 8:30 and if I tolerate the crying and such for another 45 minutes she'll go to bed.
Good luck with the better shoes.
Mom: In Lou's defense, he did try to catch me, but it was rather inevitable (and it's difficult to animate 'flailing' in Paint).
Liz: You will feel bad when I die of scalp cancer! People don't just grow cowlicks at 25, its weird.
To All: I've got a friend to go to southern Utah with me after Christmas, I expect to find my happy place there.
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